I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
