im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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