so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
