In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Your tits are I can't wait for
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
