If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
