he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
