4 words: hood of his car
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
3pm strippers are depressing
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
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