My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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