I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
