Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Can you bring me the toilet please
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
