It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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