when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
