if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
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