dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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