not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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