i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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