Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
