So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
