alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
We're using joints as your birthday candles
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
