Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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