how can u be prego again
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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