Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
