yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
