I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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