My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
