I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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