Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
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