bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Randomize
