Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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