I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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