I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
3 2 1 whiskey
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
