it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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