You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
