Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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