it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
