That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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