you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
