It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I want a musical about memes.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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