and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
