If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
