Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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