The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
