The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
