we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
