Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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