Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
