i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
