Only a mothe r could love this liver
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
