It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
