i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
