No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
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I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
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You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
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