I wish I could punch you in the face.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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