You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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