Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
So vagazzling was a success
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
