Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
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Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
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His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
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