Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
