she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
