I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
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There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
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I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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