apparently the secret to your success is patron
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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