why didn't you poke me back
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
