I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
