Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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