Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
