clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
