so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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