I think I can smell my own vagina right now
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
