I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
My vagina is officially offended.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
