just tell him i said nine months
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
