Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
