i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
