they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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