Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
You ate ashes out of my bong
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
